Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Way Things Work

Hello Free Thinkers of the World,

I hope this message finds you happy, safe & fit. The last few days I've started to become irritated with fat people again. Don't bother posting your "You're an insensitive puke" blah blah blah messages, either.

Obesity (from here on out referred to as "fatness") isn't a disease.
It isn't a "social problem".
It isn't a disorder.
Fatness is laziness.

With the exception of those who's thyroids have gone berserk, and a few other rare exceptions, the state of being fat or "fatness" is your own fault. Don't blame it on the way your parents raised you or the fact that no-one else in the class liked you. They might not have liked you because you were fat, but instead of their taunts becoming your motivation to change, you isolated yourself further & found relief in the Double Quarter Pounders that you'd throw down after an exhaustive day in the 4th grade. Logic would lead us to conclude that when you no longer fit in a seat at the movie theater, you need to change. However, in our modern twisted way of "Oh, it isn't your fault" thinking, people have come to believe that the movie theater should accommodate our fatness by getting wider chairs. WRONG ANSWER.

Time for a fatness horror story. So, I was going on a trip & wherever I was headed, I need to fly there. Well, I get on the plane & take up my seat (either in the middle or by the window, I can't recall exactly). As luck would have it, a not-fit female was assigned to the seat next to me. Do you know what I observed & was continued to be horrified by for the duration of the flight? I took note of how her fat conformed to and overlapped the armrests! Needless to say (I'm pretty sure I was in the middle seat), I kept my head & eyes straight forward for the rest of the flight. Do you know how sore your arms, after several hours of having your hands folded in your lap, can get when you can't put your elbows on the arm rests? They begin to burn quite smartly after a while. You know, that is a rather awkward situation to begin with. "Excuse me, ma'am. Could you please pick up your fat and shift it to the other side so I can use my arm rest? My arms are getting a little sore from being out front like this." That would have made for an even more awkward situation.

Back to the point, fatness is your fault. Webster defines "obesity" (fatness) as, "a condition characterized by the excessive accumulation and storage of fat in the body". According to, there are three common caused to fatness. They are: 1) consumption of more food [calories] than the body can use, 2) excess alcohol intake, 3) sedentary lifestyle. I think with just #1 & #3 they described about 90% of America. *light bulb* Oh wait, that's why most of America is fat.

Now, its time to prove my earlier point of "Fatness is laziness". Webster & Healthline agreed that the state of being fat (fatness) is caused by taking in more food (calories) than you expend. This intake/expenditure ratio is further skewed by the fact that fat people sit around (sedentary lifestyle) and don't do anything. If you're fuzzy on how calorie intake should work, here's an example. Our bodies are very similar to motor vehicles. For this exercise, the gas tank is your stomach/intestines, the odometer is your activity level and the fuel is your food. You put more gas in a car when it has spent the fuel it had previously taken in, correct? The rate at which the car consumes (metabolizes) the fuel (food) is directly related to the distances it travels (work done). Therefore, your food intake should be like a car with fuel as opposed to a savings account (in a perfect picture). In a savings account, you are hopefully putting in more money than is going out. This practice will leave you with an excess of money in the future (something we would all like). However, when you take in more food than your body uses, the excess food is deposited in your body which brings us back to becoming fat.

"You didn't explain how being fat is lazy". Maybe I didn't make it clear enough. You are FAT as a result of NOT doing anything which is known as being LAZY. Hopefully this lesson of "The Way Things Work" has been helpful to you and has increased your understanding of how the body works. If you are fat, I truly hope you take this message and use it as motivation to change. In the words of Jonathan Ramirez, "If you keep telling a fat kid he's fat, he'll eventually lose weight." Hopefully we can all have the courage to tell our friends & family that they're fat which will lead to their changing. I'm not even going to bother discussing all the negative effects of being fat.

Big is NOT Beautiful; Fat is NOT Okay.
You're FAT, America. Change!