Look What the Cat Dragged In

I don't even remember how, but I somehow stumbled across this nightmare on Facebook. Keep in mind, this circus freak goes to MY COLLEGE. God help us.

The following was taken from the "About Me" section:

I would drink a triple-tall mocha with every meal if I were wealthy enough. I have two of the best roommates a guy could ask for (Ben and Danny G). I am a total nerd. I am oblivious to the world around me. I spend waaayyyy too much time getting ready in the morning. I love and accept almost everyone. If I don't have anything going on I will usually be at home reading. I hate mayo more than I hate Satan. I wish I could get my lip pierced again. I take a very strong stance in what I believe and will defend it until the bitter end. I have a hard time just walking up and talking to someone I've never met. I want to grow my hair long again. I am a hopeless romantic. People who are users, fakes, liars, and cheaters need to get a life. Running and working out makes me happy. I want to be a rock star. I'm reformed, although I don't go to a reformed church. I have a man-crush on Brad Pitt. I love my true friends; the ones who would do anything for me and never betray me. I'm not sure if I will ever graduate. I used to really love listening to music but am becoming more and more bored with it. I love God with all my heart but can't seem to obey him for even one day. I despise country and rap music. I am a Calvinist. I don't drink, smoke, cuss, or have sex not because I'm better than you; I just don't have a desire to do those things. Jimmy Eat World melts my heart. I'm not as social as I used to be. I have zero tolerance for cheaters and those who betray their loved ones. I'm a nice and level-headed guy because I suppress any and all meanness that gets built up inside me. I have many dreams and ambitions in life. You couldn't offend me if you tried. I am a neat-freak. I love talking to people who have a differing religious viewpoint and are just as firm and stubborn as I am. I hate drama. I spend more money on my hair than I should. I highly recommend that you take a high-quality multi-vitamin if you don't already. I can't dance. No, really, I can't dance. I'm very easy going and hate to talk about myself. I believe things that almost everyone else disagrees with. I play drums in a band called THE STATUS (formerly NOVA). Also, I have a super amazing girlfriend!!!!!!

Before you say it, no, I didn't make it up. No, I didn't edit ANYTHING. So, are you curious to see Prince Charming?


Once you get yourself back together & seated in your chair again from all the laughter, think about whatever it was you just read. Keep in mind that I did not edit one word or undo any formatting.

When I stumbled across it, the first sentence in the "About Me" sent my jaw through the floor. See, all this time you all have thought that I was making this stuff up about the Starbucks Hippies. They're real, man!

Peace Through Superior Firepower,
Crispy