Sunday, December 11, 2005

A Set of Keys

This post isn't for everyone. Some won't understand. Some know how to apply it and even others will simply be unable to apply because they aren't, quite honestly, the caliber of a lady it takes to do such a thing.

A small, simple key can open doors that would otherwise take hours or even days worth of work to open. In some cases, the doors are impenetrable. But with the right key, you can gain access to the greatest of rooms. Locks, which keys open, restrict access. If you have the right key, you are qualified to enter and see and enjoy what is inside. Would you rather rest in a room with unrestricted access, or would you prefer to rest in a place that is untouched, ordered and secure?

Ladies, let me give you a few keys to finding a true gentleman.

1) Don't be "that girl" at a party, if you go. Don't be the one that's drunk & starts random conversations will guys. Not only is this extremely annoying, but it is also quite embarrassing for you when the guys start giving each other the "What's her deal?" look in between your verbal diarrhea. You want to know what I really respect? That's a lady that doesn't drink. Girls are freaking brutal with their nagging once they get something set in their minds. If you can resist that time and again, you have my respect.

2) Be a lady, not a woman. Just because you might have it doesn't mean that everyone needs to see it. If you're going to show it, its fair game for play (in the mind of the average male). Sorry, simple fact. In my mind, if you're showing it, you're dying for attention and have the discretion of a gnat. 100% honest - Though I may glance a time or two, that's all you're getting. You can get lost after that point.

3) Don't hide your intellect. On the contrary, develop it. Read books, watch movies & then analyze & tear them to shreds. Develop opinions and be able to give reasons why (other than, "I don't know. That's just what I think," which I have heard on many an occasion!). Know what you believe and why. Don't waste time on memorizing the records of the top ten teams in the SEC. Heck, I can't even name 5 teams in the SEC. When a girl starts babbling about sports, you could just as quick fire up a wood chipper next to me cuz I'm not listening. Is it because I think sports are evil? No. Ask yourself this question, is that game going to affect your life in some significant way? In all likelihood, no. Heck, I'm one of the loudest yellers at a game, but once its over, its over. I don't care. There are better things you can be spending your time on than watching a bunch of overpaid, half of which are fat (overweight or "obese", for the PC crowd) so-called athletes chance a pig-skin around a 300ft long fairway.

4) Be a communicator. The art of conversation has been lost. There are very few people that still understand how it works. Work on your communication skills (and apply that intellect). Try sentences with more words than "like"s or "umm"s.

5) Don't watch "Sex and the City". This theory is still being developed, but I'm beginning to notice a connection between controlling & generally (sorry) bitchy girls and people who watch that show. While you're at it, forget about "The OC", "Laguna Beach" and all that other garbage either. No one needs that much drama. Also, sorry to pop your bubble with this one, but that's not how the real world operates either.

6) Talk to the right one. Inside every man are two people: A King and a Fool. Whichever one you speak to, stands up.

7) Be self sufficient. There is nothing more annoying that a female that has to be with a guy at all times, boyfriend or not.

8) Be something special. The common loses its appeal. That which is easily acquired has little value. If you're the girl that has had more than three boyfriends in the last month, keep right on walking. Don't even open your mouth to talk. Why should he make a commitment to you if the other guy that's "just friends" gets the same stuff a boyfriend would? Oops, I'll leave that alone.

9) Don't be impossible. Don't take #9 too far. Some of us don't have a patience level that lasts more than 2, 3 at the most, weeks. At least spend time with someone who's interested in you. This next part might sting a little... Most likely once he sees what you're really about, he'll lose interest.

10) Don't always be on the offensive. I enjoy verbal jousting (for fun) more than most people could handle in a lifetime. However, there comes a time when you just need to put down your sword. Heck, even I get worn out from it after a while.

That's enough for now. Use your new-found wisdom with care.