Bill Press is a Moron

His recent WND commentary entitled, "Silent flight, holy flight" is one of the most ignorant pieces I've read in quite a while. I guess I should have expected it, considering he is a political analyst for MSNBC. On with the flame! This goon thinks the world is going to end because the FCC, FAA, or whatever alphabet-soup government agency is finally going to allow cell phone users to actually be able to use their phones on the plane. Concept!

Maybe it's a generational thing.

Maybe it's an IQ thing!

But, ever since they've taken over human communication, I've learned several things about cell-phone users.

And so it begins!

Although, having been forced to listen in on one end of thousands of cellular calls, I have yet to hear one that's necessary. On planes, especially, it's usually: "Hi. Just wanted you to know we'll be taking off in 10 minutes." Or the equally thrilling: "Hi. We just landed."

If people want to burn their own minutes, let 'em do it. It isn't costing you anything. I guess you think we should have a federal agency that should tell us when we are authorized to make and receive calls too?

They're all deaf. Or maybe they think the people they're calling are hard of hearing.

No, we aren't ALL deaf, as you insist. My hearing is better than yours, sir. Some of us evil "cell-phone users" try to be considerate of other people. Don't EVER group me into the same category as ignorant people. It gives me a rash.

Which brings me to point No. 3: Cell-phone users are also the rudest people on earth. They don't care about flesh and blood in front of them. They only care about voices at the other end of a phone signal.

Which brings me to point No. 3: Bill Press likes to make generalizations that are too large for his comprehension. Again, stop grouping us all together. By your logic, everyone that owns a car is trying to run over pedestrians. Dolt.

Today, once the door is closed, airplanes are about the only place left you can escape cell phones.

I bet if go into a cave somewhere really off the beaten path, like Afghanistan or Antarctica, you can escape them there as well! Shhh, don't let the cell phone people hear. Oh wait, they're all deaf, as you said. You could also try going HOME. I hope you can control all the noisy, inconsiderate cell phone users there.

One friend told me about attending a funeral where a pall bearer's phones chirped – and he proceeded to have a conversation in the middle of the eulogy! God save us.

Okay, so he's an idiot. He should be shot. I think there are a lot of people that should be shot. Next!

But soon, even the enforced quiet of airline travel may be lost. The Federal Communications Commission and the Federal Aviation Administration are both experimenting with ways to introduce cell-phone usage on airliners – even though European experts blame a cell phone for the crash of a commuter plane in 2000. A passenger took a call at the same time the pilot engaged the autopilot, and the plane went into a fatal dive.

Cell phone causes commuter plane to crash? BS! And for some weird reason that was the case, why don't we change the frequency that the plane uses for its auto pilot? *gasp* Problem solved! AND (don't you hate it when I do that?) if cell phones made planes lawn dart, don't you think every terrorist and lunatic on the face of the earth would be playing with their phone during a flight? Ya flippin' tool.

So why the rush to play with safety in the United States? [blah blah blah] And pressure from frequent-flying businessmen who complain about hours lost by having to stay silent. When the truth is, they might be much more successful if they just took advantage of the time to read, or think.

Play with safety? Addressed above. Do you have any concept as to how fast business occurs these days? I didn't think you do. I work with a company that hosts a service in Toronto, while the software is developed in Russia, and the staff that runs the show is spread across the United States. There have been times when updates have been released and we've needed to communicate with all the different "branches" of the vine. Thank God no one was flying when we were trying to figure things out. We had a solution developed in less than half and hour and begin passing that on to our customers. Time is money, as you've apparently not yet grasped. "Business at the speed of E" is a very true statement.

Frankly, I can think of nothing worse than being locked for five hours in an aluminum chatterbox at 30,000 feet with 200 people all shouting at the same time.

I have a few ideas. Care to give 'em a try? Sarcasm aside (for but a moment), have you ever heard of ear plugs? How about you buy your own plane. That should solve the problem. Get a grip and stop trying to fight technology and progress.

Ever the optimist, however, I refuse to go quietly. I see at least two solutions to this problem. First, some smart CEO will launch a "talk-free" airline. "Fly the Silent Skies." Sure, he will be laughed at, just like the first airline to ban smoking was laughed at, but he'll make tons of money.

God help us. You had an idea. Moron, this is capitalism. That's the way it is supposed to work.

And for his most mature moment, and a great way to end his article, I might add:

If that doesn't work, I'm ready to take revenge. My big secret, which not even Bob Novak knows, is that I once took accordion lessons. Not only that, I still have my accordion. Once cell phones are allowed on airplanes, I vow never to fly again without my accordion. I dare you: Take out your cell phone, and I'll unpack my accordion and play "Roll Out The Barrel." Serves you right.

You "playing" your accordion and someone communicating and passing along information via a medium which just happens to be a cellular phone is a false parallel. You need to grow up, stop whining and move on. I would also like to thank you for further proving my point of the other day. The sum of all intelligence is constant; the population is growing.


Don't Feed the Trolls.

Crispy
Very, Very Important Person