Assignment, make that, Target: Vegetarians

First of all, no, recent events didn't send me on this tangent. I was clicking around the Best Page in the Universe last week when I ran across several posts that demanded my attention. I should say, if you can stand a bit of cursing, these pages are usually worth the read. Maddox usually makes very logical arguments... With the common thread of vulgarity through them all.

First up, "For every animal you don't eat, I'm going to eat three."

"I can't eat meat." The four worst words to hear when you're going to a restaurant with someone. I literally cringe every time I hear those words because I know it means that we have to drive around the city for 2 hours looking for some restaurant that serves "friendly" burgers, which ironically look and taste exactly like hamburgers--which vegetarians object to eating because it's either A) gross or B) murder. If it's so gross, then why go out of your way to eat something exactly like it, [anal sphincter]? It's funny how vegetarians suddenly stop [whining] about murder as soon as you point out their fancy leather belt or shoes, or that they drive a car and use electricity which contributes to polluting the earth and contaminating everything including the precious animals that they refuse to eat.

Well I'm tired of it. So what I've decided to do is sponsor a vegetarian! It's easy and spiteful, and we all know how much fun spiting people is! I'll explain..

Second, "Guiltless grill? Is there another kind?"

I was looking over a menu in a restaurant the other day when I saw a section for vegetarians; I thought to myself "boy, I sure am glad that I'm not a meat-hating fascist" and I skipped on to the steak section (because I'll be damned if I'm going to pay $15 for an alfalfa sandwich, slice of cucumber and a scoop of cold cottage cheese), but before I turned the page something caught my eye. The heading of the vegetarian section was titled "Guiltless Grill," not because there were menu items with fewer calories and cholesterol (since there were "healthy" chicken dishes discriminated against in this section), but because none of the items used animal products. Think about that phrase for a second. What exactly does "guiltless grill" imply? So I'm supposed to feel guilty now if I eat meat? Screw you.

I'll also give you this to wet your taste buds:

Enjoy.

Crispy